I love summer

Read me

It's very important that all adults over 45 get colonoscopies. This is a preliminary test for colon cancer. This is not a joke or an attempt to be funny. Urge your parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, etc, to get it done, NOW

Safety Glasses

for the 3rd time today, I went to rub my eyes (due to my tiredness) and jammed my finger into my glasses...

I think it's time to go home and nap for 3 or 4 days

'Roid Rage

I joined the local Gold's Gym today and aside from the flocks of wanna-be frat boys and beef-cakes, I was mostly annoyed by the techniques and attire of certain ShoBLs (show-boat lifters).

First of all, here is the list of things that are unacceptable to wear while working out: flip-flops, hats, cologne, jean-shorts, spandex (on men, of course), and goggles.

My next concern is for the people who think they know how to lift when they don't. Now I am not an expert, but I have been lifting for about 10 years. When bench-pressing, it doesn't count if you a) don't touch your chest, b) bounce it off your chest, or c) use your legs to lift your pelvis off the bench. On bicep curls it doesn't count if you lean back or don't extend your arms all the way. Doing any of these things is like doing push-ups from your knees, it's cheating.

Last, if you're going to the gym and you find that you spend an hour in the building but only did 3 sets, it means you're spending too much time sitting on the machine watching the girls on the treadmills. You may be the best-looking 5'9" fake-baking freshman at the local university, but you look like a complete tool when you do 1 set of 4 reps then sit up and stare at girls for the next 4 minutes.

/rant

QUIET PLEASE

OK, so I had to shoosh someone that I don't even know today. She started talking about the Sopranos and I quickly and politely had to tell her to close her noise hole. If you're going to speak of the Sopranos or blog about it, please announce it before-hand so that shlubs like me have a chance to cover our ears or unplug the computer. Muchas gracias!!


Ditto here

Dear Idiot...

Clearly you're not very smart. I received your dispute form today, claiming that some charges on your account are from a counterfeit card. After about 2 minutes of research I noticed that you submitted a dispute form for the same charge 3 days earlier. I don't know if you thought this through very well. On the first dispute form you claimed that the stuff you bought was of low quality, unfortunately this is not grounds for dispute. You seem to be somewhat confused now, since your most recent dispute form says that that same charge is fraudulent. You bought it, didn't like it, tried to dispute, failed, then tried to say it was a fraudulent charge. After speaking with someone at that store, I have come to the conclusion that you shouldn't wear your big black cowboy hat, which makes you stick out like a sore thumb, when you are trying to claim that some thief is stealing from you. Here's your sign...

Sincerely,
Me

Cash, money, hoes

NO FREAKIN WAY...

(scroll halfway down)

Question of the Week

If an underage male has sex with an overage female, and she has a baby, can the minor male be ordered to pay child support?

discuss...

also: If the minor can be forced to pay child support, will the responsibility ultimately fall on the parent(s)?

Notes on the Jazz

1:59, first quarter: I am so embarrassed by you right now. I am going to put this in caps, bold, underline, and italics because I think it's fairly important... STOP TAKING JUMPSHOTS AND DRIVE TO THE HOOP. They even cleared out for Boozer, who is being guarded by Fabricio Oberto (yeah, that guy) and he took 3 steps, spun and faded away... CLANK. Stop playing scared you clowns.

End of first: I didn't watch after about 2:30 left because I was so mad. Now you're down 19 in San Antonio where you haven't won since Clinton was in office. Congratulations, you are officially DONE. No freethrows and -8 in the rebound dept. You guys got PUNKED in the first 12 minutes and look like a bunch of schoolgirls.

9:03 in 2nd: I must be dreaming, we just shot free throws on 3 straight possessions. Wait, nope, I'm not dreaming, we missed 2 of them.

5:41 in 2nd: Harpring misses 2 more freethrows....awesome

4:26 in 2nd: Jazz now have 5 players with 2 fouls, Spurs have 1.

Halftime: We have now shot more freethrows, we are outrebounding them, and have more assists, what does that mean? It means we're still down 16 because we've missed 7 of those freethrows and we're only shooting 32.5%. If the Jazz lose by less than 10 points, it will be a miracle.

6:15 in 3rd: More of the same, missing jumpshots on one end and giving up layups on the other.

?? in the ??: Is it over yet?

6:22 in the 4th: Peeking in for the score, down 25.

1:28 in the 4th: I watched the last 90 seconds of the Jazz's season. Don't know what to say anymore. I'm glad that we got to feel what it's like to be GOOD again. This city has been crazy during the playoffs, something we haven't felt in almost 10 years. It's like a drug, but I have to wait 10 1/2 months to taste it again. Next year, it's Finals or bust. *SIGH* I need a hug....

Seeing red

40-21, 17-27, 25-2. I can't begin to describe my anger. I know the Spurs are the better team, and I know that they have the experience and the talent to win ANY game they play. But seriously, 25 free throws in the 4th quarter and only 2 for the Jazz? The Spurs shot 4 more free throws in the 4th quarter than the Jazz did for the entire game. I am also convinced that there is no low that Manu Ginobli will not sink to in order to get a foul call. Additionally, he is the first one to complain when he doesn't get his BS foul calls. He is shameless and is an embarrassment to professional sports.

Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, let me say that I do not believe and official can win or lose a game, they don't put the ball in the hoop. I understand that the good teams get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to certain calls, the Jazz were getting that treatment for years. But I find it unbelievable frustrating when the double standard is applied in the playoffs. I defy anyone to say that the exact same play will always be a foul regardless of who is defending who. If Jarron Collins is on Duncan, Collins will get called for a foul, regardless of what happens. On the other end, Duncan will not, even if the exact same thing happens. It's been going on for years and, like I mentioned, the Jazz were getting a lot of those calls 7 or 8 years ago. But for a guy like Manu Ginobli to be getting almost total Kobe Bryant treatment is an absolute joke.

The Jazz were beat by a better acting team. They missed 5 or 6 straight shots in the fourth and threw the ball away several times. But the officials were too big a part of the game, when the story of the game is that one team only had 17 fouls, shot almost double the freethrows for the game and 23 more in the 4th, then the officials have taken control of the game away from the team. Despite all this, though, the Jazz were only down 4 with 5 minutes left and just needed to make more shots and play better defense.

/rant

Notes from work

I am splitting my time between the security department and legal collections; here's a little story from security:

Someone opened up an account online and went into a branch to deposit the required $25 to keep the account. Then he deposited 4 counterfeit checks in the space of about 5 days and immediately withdrew the $500 limit. The account was opened with a stolen identity so the phone number and address are bogus. Then, everyday, he went to an ATM to withdraw the $500 limit; the 10 or so ATM withdrawals left the account with under $1000 and when the checks came back as fraud and were taken out of the account, it took the account almost $5000 in the negative. Not an uncommon scheme. Now I get to look through security camera footage to find the dirtbag. Luckily all of the deposits were through our ATMs so we have him there, but all of the withdrawals (save one) were at gas station ATMs so we don't have footage yet. It's quite a rush to scan through security footage and know that the guy you're looking at deserves to be in prison. Moral of the story: make sure to check your account at least once a month and also get a copy of your credit report once a year to make sure that no accounts have been opened in your name without your approval

7 days later

So here I am in my beautiful hometown. I have a room with a soft bed and a pool right up the street. I drove 1330 miles to get here and I drive almost 80 miles round trip every day to my job. Things are good.

So, my job: it started out as a giant clusterf***. No one was really sure where I was supposed to be or what I should do. I had a phone but no computer. I will start the day in the security department investigating fraud, then spend the second half in legal collections trying to get dead-beats to give us the money we loaned them or show up and take it back ourselves. I got to go to small claims court yesterday and that is a well-oiled machine if I ever saw one. We went through 80 cases in 30 minutes. In 85% of the cases the defendant doesn't show up and has a default judgment placed against them, 10% are dismissed by the plaintiff, only in about 5% are both parties present. Today I went to bankruptcy court and that is just depressing. There was a 500 lb guy who had no money, no job, and his car and trailer were about to be repossessed. This guy has no chance in life and I remember thinking to myself that he ought to just give up and go lie on the train tracks.

On a lighter note, I spent last weekend at the Lake (about 2 hrs north). We invited an old friend from high school who just recently showed up back in town. She's a tiny little lady but she is 100% foxy. Very good decision. Not only is she a total babe, but she's super fun. We bought $115 worth of fireworks and put on a show after we built a giant bonfire (we might be pyromaniacs). Twin #1 told me that a family friend had talked to her lawyer about a property dispute she was having (which she explained to me in detail right before Spring Break). Apparently the lawyer now wants to know if I want to work part time for him. Which is awesome except that I already have a job! Maybe I can do some nights and weekends as needed.....maybe.


Finally, I am getting a new car. I will make you all wait until it's in my possession before I reveal its identity...

YAY FOR SUMMERTIME!