May 17, 2008

My balcony and me

I've had an interesting couple days...

Roomie left town on Thursday to go work for his uncle for the summer, which, coupled with the mass exodus of law students, has left me nearly all alone. I spent most of Thursday tidying up the apartment and installing the new wireless internet router (Roomie took his for his place at home). I went to the gym, then later went out, briefly, with some friends. I was home by 11:30 because I was feeling a little neglected and started feeling sorry for myself.

Yesterday was better. I played basketball for a little over an hour, then came home and read on my balcony with the sun shining on me. I won't speak of the Jazz game, as it has left me somewhat dead inside. Needless to say, their season is over. Which leads me to today...

I was up around 930 and had a light breakfast (this better eating habit, combined with my 7-straight days of activity, gym/basketball, is feeling REALLY good) and went to the gym. I got back around 3 and read, again, on the balcony in the sun. Around 5 I decided to check out the free OnDemand movies. I picked Legends of the Fall, don't ask me why. I've seen it before but something about it tonight really affected me.

First off, I have always loved camping and being outdoors, so the whole, "living on a ranch in Montana" always appealed to me. But tonight was a little different, afterwards I didn't even want any music or lights on, I wanted to feel like I was out there on the ranch, with no modern day contrivances. For the first time in a LONG time, I finally felt some attachment to world and that there was something that I actually long for. Without school or the Jazz or my roommate here to distract me, I feel like I really found a piece of who I am. After 3 days of getting my bearings it almost overwhelmed me.

I have always considered myself a city-boy, despite my love of the outdoors. I always wanted the penthouse suite on the 20th floor. I wanted the nice suits and the fancy cars. But in all honesty...I don't believe that's me. After the movie I sat out on my balcony again, in almost total darkness and light rain, just to listen to it. I was annoyed when cars drove by because they drown out the sound of the wind. I don't remember the last time I felt so calm. I didn't want to hear the TV, the radio, or turn on the Xbox. I just wanted to enjoy the silence. It really is the simple things in life that give the most pleasure. All of the superficial stuff we do to appear as if we are important or hip just left me like the wind blowing through the trees.

I'm writing this because I don't want to forget it. When I get the invite to the party at the club, or the bar where all the girls are, I want to be able to feel ok about saying, "no thanks." Of course, this doesn't mean I'm turning antisocial or anything, because I will always enjoy spending time with my friends, but when that turns into loud bars or hunting for action, it's then that I'll long for an evening on my balcony.

7 comments:

Silly Little Law Student said...

a.) you should have called / texted me thursday night... I was out at passtimes with some orchestra people

and

b.) what you have described with your balcony... is precisely one of the reason why i live alone and whole heartedly enjoy it.

Ems said...

good thoughts guy...I think there is a perspective you get in the quiet that doesn't come in the usual noise of life.

Utahman said...

Jeff, I know exactly what you mean.... The other day I was sitting on the squatter and I felt everything you described.... then I laid a ten pounder....ha ha.. Just kidding bro. Those thoughts are the very reason why I long for Bear Lake and Lake Powell EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR IM NOT THERE...

Dan said...

I feel ya man, but everyone knows that about me, I'm an REI man after all. I want to take this opening to recommend you read Walden. It's not idealistic, but it has wonderful principles layered in the text.

Andrew, Jen, & Taedon said...

We lived in my grandparents basement while our house was being built and I remember when we moved out for like a week just living in silence! No joke...my gramps would sometimes have his tv on volume...100! It really is such a nice feeling when you are so used to the commotion of everyday life to just take some time away from it all! Good post, it should be titled, "Happy Thoughts" by Jeffery Cartwright!! :)

emily said...

aww. please say you will be visiting this summer.

Megan said...

So...I agree with you. I don't see you as the nice suit, penthouse on the 20th floor - type person. Even when you ARE a big shot lawyer. I guess I just can't imagine you that way!

 
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