Revelations

I don't know if it's because I got into the game too late or if it's fallout from the really awesome rumor that my ex started about me after we broke up, but for some reason the "cool" kids still can't seem to accept me. I figure this is for 1 of several reasons, or a combination:

1. Possible lingering (false) rumor about my sexual orientation
2. I don't drink beer until I pass out
3. I don't have a hot bod
4. I'm not one of the "smart kids" (i.e. top 25%/law review)
5. I'm not wild and crazy
6. I'm not an asshole

I just got back from a party where I could literally stand in the same spot for 15 minutes and nobody would say more than, "hi," to me. I tried to be sociable, I walked around and chatted with people, but once they see that other person that's really cool, the convo ends. I'm like the guy who knows a lot of people but isn't really friends with anyone. Clearly there are exceptions to this and they have set themselves apart from the rest, but, as stated in previous posts, I need more guy friends. This is also for several reasons, one of which is, again, that really cool rumor from spring semester, the other is that I would like to be able to talk to other guys about guy stuff, i.e., girls, sports, girls, douchebags from class, and girls. Guys' minds work much different from girls' and I need more of that kind of stimulation. There are some guys that I hang out with occasionally but it's always through my roommate and it's clear that I am the "tag-along." My roommate is my closest friend here and we get along great and he likes to hang out with me, so when he's going out I get invited to go out with the guys who seem to have already passed on anointing me as a "cool" kid.

I'd like to have more friends in general and more guy friends specifically. I'd like if just once, someone would say, "hey, where's _________ ?" And hope that I showed up. I'd like if any of those people (who seem to be good people with high school clique mentalities) would take a step back from their beer pong and flirting and take a look at the big picture.

I don't want to sound desperate to join the "cool" kids. I just want to feel like an equal, rather than the guy who sometimes comes out and sometimes is fun but we really don't talk to him that much. I'd really like to leave this place with better memories than sitting by myself for 15 minutes before anyone even noticed I was there; why was I sitting there all by myself? Because every conversation I try to join feels so forced and contrived that it's painful. But again, I imagine that the people who read this are NOT the ones I'm talking about, the people who read this are real friends who understand me and DO call me to hang out. There doesn't seem to be a happy medium anywhere; I enjoy hanging with my friends, but it never feels complete, like someone is missing. I'm sure there's a part of me that is only concerned about not looking like the gay friend (again, enhanced by the really classy rumor), but if I'm with my friends I shouldn't care, right? Cripes, what a night...